We live in a world where everything is a projection.
We need to fulfill our needs first so we can stop blaming others for our own insufficiencies.
When we judge another person or a place, it is often because we hate something about ourselves.
When we are mean to ourselves, we tend to be mean to others too.
When we judge ourselves, we also tend to judge others too.
“When we project, we put part of ourselves onto other people, it is usually to get rid of something objectable.”
– Psychology Today
Projecting is a defensive mechanism we tend to use. We are either unaware or in denial or avoiding something about ourselves. It is usually a reflection of our feelings about ourselves.
“Projection is a form of distortion in which information that is actually about oneself is incorrectly attributed to another person.”
– Grant Hillary Brenner, MD
Let’s go back to trauma counseling.
We are who we are because of what happened to us in our past.
Our brain remembers, therefore, it sends a message to our body if we are in danger or not.
When we were in constant fight or flight mode when we were children (and in our past relationships), it becomes our “normal”. That when we are in a “safe” environment, we don’t feel comfortable, because it is not “normal” for us or we are not used to it.
Therefore, we sabotage the situation by starting a fight, creating conflict, being aggressive, etc. and then we blame the other person. We don’t take accountability.
“There is a basic error in the construction of the interpersonal data, and what is about “me” is perceived as being about “you” or “her” or “them.” The you-me script is flipped. Typically, this is viewed as a psychologically motivated defense to protect oneself from uncomfortable feelings, but sometimes it is just error, loss of data integrity. “
And all of these are happening subconsciously.
But now that you are aware, you can practice being mindful.
It starts with being self-aware, taking accountability and then changing your thoughts.
How To Be More Self Aware:
- Take some time to reflect by taking some sacred pauses each day. It is usually best when you first wake up in the morning. This can be a 5-minute breathing exercise (breathe in for 4 seconds and exhale for 8 seconds), meditating with an app or by yourself, or visualization. The point is to STOP and do nothing for 5 minutes. Giving yourself this few minutes is an exercise of taking a moment to be mindful instead of being reactive. Most of the times, we react – projection is usually a reaction.
- Be in the present. When you are experiencing a place or a person, be in the here and now by listening well and being an observer. Being in the present helps you be open. When you are open, you judge less. When you judge less, you open yourself up to new and amazing opportunities, experiences and people.
- Remind yourself that it is not personal. Nothing is personal. Everything is a projection. When a person is upset, angry or jealous of you, it’s not personal. They are reacting to their own insufficiencies. Don’t take it personally.
Learn more on how to be mindful by setting up an appointment on calendly.com/mariareyes3 . Processing your past, so you can live in the present will lead in a fulfilling future.